The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
he had hair everywhere except his balls
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
