There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
