I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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