i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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