I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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