I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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