mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
