worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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