I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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