hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
