You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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