just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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