So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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