last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize