Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
