I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
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