Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
