I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My penis needs a shock collar
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
