walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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