Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
