I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
