we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
