what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
