Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
