i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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