thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
just tell him i said nine months
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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