I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
how do you play pong handcuffed?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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