Even water is tasting like jack daniels
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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