You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
