Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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