just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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