My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
