This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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