I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
