How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize