Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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