yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
