Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
