Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
