Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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