bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
my being single is dangerous.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
