I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize