We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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