I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
