listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
