I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I think I am morally bankrupt
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
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Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
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She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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