this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
