Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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