why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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