We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
