I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
