I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
