the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
