I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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