You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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