Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
