Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
