So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
