I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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