You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
When are your genitals available?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
