some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
