whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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