its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
