i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
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