You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
