wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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