you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
So vagazzling was a success
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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