I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Drake has all the answers
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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